Tonight is a Fairytale
by DarkElements10
Summary: [ON HIATUS] [Re-write of Up Against the Wall] "You know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who have hurt you and start to wish them well." –Lewis B. Smedes. On Logan Mitchell's 19th birthday, Logan's father gets released from jail. Together with his friends, Logan learns that not all endings are happy ones.
1. Past and Present

**Tonight is a Fairytale**

**By: Rhuben**

**Summary-[Re-write of Up Against the Wall] **"You know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who have hurt you and start to wish them well." –Lewis B. Smedes. On Logan Mitchell's 19th birthday, Logan's father gets released from jail. Together with his friends, Logan learns that not all endings are happy ones.

* * *

**01**

* * *

**November 2010**

**Fort Worth, Texas**

* * *

At sixteen years old, Logan found out his dad was in prison.

"We should be heading back, soon." Logan Mitchell set the bag of groceries into the back of his mother's, Joanna Mitchell's, rental car before he straightened, moving to rub his hands at the base of his aching back. "Nana might need some help preparing dinner.

"Mom, you and I both know Nana won't accept any help from anybody," Logan said as he placed his hand on top of the trunk, pushing down on it, slamming down. "The kitchen is her domain." He used one hand to rub at the back of his other one. "I can _still_ feel the sting of her last slap…_two years ago_. She might've broken a blood vessel, actually."

Joanna chuckled, shaking her head. "You know how important Thanksgiving is to Nana," she said, reaching into her purse for her car keys. "Especially after Grandpa passed on…to have the family together again, she looks forward to it every year."

"I know, Mom, I know," Logan replied with a nod of his head before giving her a bright smile. "Better not leave Nana waiting." He sucked in a deep breath of air through his nose. "I can smell the pecan pie already." He then moved around the car to climb into the passenger seat of the car. "Hey, do you think Nana will let me make some apple pie this year?"

"Not if you like keeping your hand attached to your wrist," Joanna replied as she climbed into the driver's seat, slamming the door shut behind her. Logan laughed along with her before reaching into his pocket for his cell phone as it vibrated against his hip.

He unlocked his phone and stared down at the faceplate when he saw he had a text message. "Is everything alright, sweetie?" Joanna asked as she searched through her purse for her keys.

"Yeah, I just…I'm missing the guys," Logan replied, looking around the parking lot, from what he could see out the window. "And, I can't wait to get back to Los Angeles to work with them."

"Work, work, work," Joanna replied, shaking her head back and forth before making a tisking sound with her tongue. She reached up a hand and gently patted her son's cheek. "You're supposed to be taking some time off to relax, not think more about work. We should be happy Gustavo even gave you this time off. I don't know what I'm going to do without you for Christmas."

"It's fun, Mom," Logan replied, turning his head to give her a small smile. "And, it'll give me some more funds to pay my part for medical school." He watched as Joanna's face fell slightly. "Oh, mom, I didn't mean…mom, I _want _to help you. You've done so much for me already."

"I just worry about you, Logie-Bear," Joanna replied, letting out a sigh through her nose, pulling her keys out of her purse.

"Mom, you don't have to," he said quietly.

Without his dad around, his mom had to play both roles for him. He knew medical school wasn't cheap and he knew his mom would do anything she could to help him, but he felt guilty about it a lot of the time. Growing up, he saw her struggle through working two jobs to make sure she could provide for him.

"Yes, I do," Joanna replied, raking her fingers through his hair. "I'm your mother."

"The best I've ever had," Logan replied and Joanna chuckled, setting her purse down onto the floor before sticking the keys into the ignition. The car shook as it started up. Joanna put the car into reverse and looped an arm around the passenger seat, turning her head to guide herself as she backed up the car before pulling out onto the main road.

Logan opened the text message he had received, immediately opening it to find a picture of James Diamond surrounded by a whole bunch of snow. _At Big Bear no doubt_, he thought to himself as he scrolled to the bottom of the message. James had decided to stay back in California with his dad flying out o visit him there.

**James: **Not like the snow back home, but it'll do.

Logan rolled his eyes but smiled as he typed back a message, only to receive two more in a matter of seconds from Kendall Knight and Carlos Garcia.

**Kendall: **U're right, it's not like back home. Home is where it's at! ;)

**Carlos: **Why have snow when you can have water? Come down to FL.

Kendall went back home to Minnesota with his mom—who was the boys' guardian while they were in Los Angeles—and his sister, Katie Knight, while Carlos went to Florida to his family's beach house.

"Help me bring the groceries inside would you?"Joanna asked as she pulled up into the driveway of her mother-in-law's driveway.

"Of course," Logan replied as he put his phone back into his pocket.

He reached for the button of his seat belt and jabbed it with his thumb, releasing his seatbelt, feeling it slide across his chest. He reached for the door handle and pulled on it, popping the door open. He stepped out onto the driveway and looked up at his grandmother's house.

It was situated in the center of a half-circle of trees, practically hidden from view until you were standing right in front of it. Bushes lined the walkway up to the white and blue house. Chimes blew in the wind, swaying on its hook on the porch awning. Small pots of flowers hung from the awning filled with pink, yellow, and blue flowers.

Logan slammed the door shut behind him before making his way down the sloping driveway and around to the back of the car. Joanna already had her arms filled with bags. "I'll get the rest of the bags, mom, don't worry," Logan said, giving his mom a warm smile before reaching for the last couple of bags.

He gathered them into his arms. He pressed them hard to his chest before carefully reaching out a hand to close the trunk of the car before making his way up the driveway, up the walkway and to the front door. He headed inside and set the bags down onto the floor, peering in each one before grabbing a bag of frozen food, taking it down into the basement to put in the freezer in the laundry room.

As he came back up the stairs, he heard his mom and Nana, Abigail, talking in the kitchen. He stopped heading up the stairs and quietly sat down on the step when he heard his name mentioned a couple of times.

"_I'm just worried about him, Abigail_. _No one knows if this music thing will last forever._"

"_If anyone has his head on straight, Joanna, it's Hortense. You and Charlie have done well with him._"

Logan sat up straighter when he heard mention of his father's name: Charlie.

"_Thank you. It was hard for him when he was a kid, but…he's really come a long way. I just…being here, I wondered if it'd be a good idea to visit him_."

"_That's a tough decision, Joanna. You have ta think about this carefully. I've been tellin' you for years to let the boy see his father anytime you came to visit but you wouldn't listen_."

Logan blinked in surprise, his heart skipping a beat before it picked up its speed. A wave of heat rushed up his body, starting in his toes and traveling straight up to the top of his head, his chest searing, ears burning.

"_I just haven't figured out how to tell him. I mean, it's not like you can just bring up the fact that his dad didn't just leave us, but he's was carrying out a thirteen year sentence_."

* * *

**December 2011**

**Minneapolis, Minnesota**

* * *

At seventeen years old, Logan found out why.

"Dude, come on, are we going to do anything fun?" Carlos asked, a hint of a whine in his tone to accompany him hitting the floor repeatedly with his heels.

Logan lifted his head from the box sitting next to him and peered over at his friends who were lounging around on his bed and in the chair he had set up in his room. He watched as James shot Carlos an annoyed look before shooting out his foot, kicking him in the side, successfully launching him off the side of the bed and onto the floor.

The four boys were sitting in his room, looking through boxes for old pictures from before Logan moved to Minnesota. Carlos quickly got a bout of cabin fever, wanting to go out and look around to see what had changed but Logan and Kendall wanted to stay in. It was mainly due to how Kendall wanted to avoid going anywhere near his old place of employment, afraid of being roped into working while he was at home.

"Ouch," Kendall laughed from the chair he was sitting in, rocking back and forth in it, a book in his lap. "It's a good thing you have the helmet, isn't it, Carlos?" He laughed again, flipping a page in the book. His rocking stopped before he pulled the book closer to his face before he burst out laughing even louder before. "Dude, check out this picture of Logan."

Carlos immediately pushed himself up onto his knees and practically hurled himself into Kendall's lap. James rushed over to his other side in an instant. Kendall pointed at the picture in the book and Carlos and James started laughing, too. Logan rolled his eyes before getting to his feet, setting the box aside. He marched over to his friends and grabbed the book, glancing at the front to see it was a yearbook from his old elementary school, North Ridge Elementary in North Richland Hills, Texas.

"I didn't know you wore glasses," Carlos said with a wide grin. "Aww, Logie, you look so cute."

"I think you mean Hortense," Kendall replied, pointing into the book again. Logan shook his head back and forth. "This was before you moved to Minnesota, right?" He closed the book on his thumb, marking his spot, and closed his eyes silently counting to himself.

"Yes, it was," Logan replied. He felt his cheeks heat up as he busied himself with going through the boxes.

It was almost Christmas time and Gustavo allowed them the opportunity to go home for the holiday, only after Mrs. Knight, being their momager—and a darn good one—managed to get him to change their contracts so they could go home during the holidays for breaks. This year, they were able to bring their friends, the Jacksons—whom they were waiting for—along with them, to show them a proper Christmas celebration.

The Jacksons were a group of siblings; twin sisters, Riley and Rhuben Jackson, twin brothers Patrick and Noah, and the youngest brother, Sydney They made up the band the DarkElements, who Gustavo hired to work with Big Time Rush when the four boys first moved to Los Angeles.

The meeting was the start of their eventful lives in California. Through court trials, rehearsals, studio work, performances, adoptions, relationship drama, and having to deal with being in the public eye, the life of a celebrity never had a dull moment. But, being with his friends, he wouldn't go back to what he was doing before.

"Man, that was so long ago," Logan commented.

"Horse-Tense?"

Logan quickly pulled his hand out of the box in his lap, letting out a loud curse as he felt the edge of a picture slicing through his finger. He stuck his finger in his mouth, sucking on the end before shaking his finger in the air. He then looked over at Carlos who now had the yearbook in his hand, flipped towards the back where he could spot various signatures in shaky handwriting in an explosion of color.

"They called you Horse-Tense?" Carlos asked, looking up at his friend, all traces of laughter from his face, gone. Logan sucked his lips into his mouth, biting down on them, but he didn't say anything else. "Dude…sucks."

It had only started out as a joke at first. Logan had said he wanted to be a doctor at "Show and Tell" one year. He had done his research; he got his mom to buy him a doctor Halloween costume so he would have a first aid kit with him. He explained every instrument, every object as well as he could. Some kids had called out, saying he should be a dentist to fix his big teeth.

They were, arguably, pretty big for his mouth at his age. By the time recess came around, he had gotten a new nickname, partly because of his big teeth, and partly because of how much he loved learning, and how seriously he took everything.

"Uh, how about we go to the pond?" Kendall suggested, sensing Logan's embarrassment. James loudly voiced his protest. "Orrr not."

"Maybe mom has some more pictures," Logan said as he dug through the rest of the boxes before getting to his feet. "You guys hungry?" He instantly put his hands into the air, closing his eyes. "Stupid question, I know. I'll get something to eat."

"I'll go with you," Kendall said, getting to his feet. He put a hand on his shoulder. "God knows you'd try and feed us some health crap."

"It's good for you, and you know it," Logan said before lifting a hand, tapping at his temples with his two fingers. "Healthy food, healthy body, healthy mind."

"_Orrrr_ butter popcorn, happy stomach, happy Carlos," Kendall replied, stretching his arms over his head as he followed him out of the room. Logan slid his hands into his jeans pockets making his way down the stairs, reaching his hands up to slap the wall before jumping off the last couple of steps. He made a left at the bottom of the stairs, walking around to the kitchen. "Our moms are talking in the dining room, we'll go this way."

"Mom, do we have any popcorn?" he called, opening the refrigerator door, reaching for a carton of lemonade. He stayed silent for a moment, listening to the muffled voices from the living room. He didn't get a response as he went to get some cups. "Check in the pantry over there."

"Sure," Kendall replied, moving towards the door he indicated. "Ah, you're in luck, there's plenty."

"Never mind, I found it," Logan called.

"How're things with you and Camille?" Kendall asked as he started to unpack packets of the hot snack. Logan made a humming sound, his nose wrinkling slightly. "And…you don't want me to press the subject." Logan put a finger to his nose, nodding his head. "Fair enough."

Logan let out a heavy sigh, stopping what he was doing for a second time. "It's just—"

He trailed off when he could hear his mom's voice get louder. Kendall froze as well, slowly lowering the popcorn packet in his hands.

"_I don't know how you do it, Jen. I know it's not the same thing, but, Abigail keeps telling me he wants contact. I thought I could just move on._" Logan locked eyes with Kendall. Kendall's eyes widened and he waved a hand in the air, motioning for them to go back upstairs. Logan ignored him and inched towards the kitchen door.

"_I have to for my kids_." Logan heard Kendall's mom, Jennifer Knight's, voice drifting towards them. "_You're doing wonderfully with Logan, Joanna. There's nothing to worry about._"

"_He's always wanted to go to medical school. He deserves the opportunity. I just want him to have a great life_."

"She sounds sad," Logan whispered.

"Let's just go," Kendall whispered back, grabbing his arm. Logan motioned for him to be quiet.

"_Honey, you've been giving him the best life you can._" That was Sylvia Garcia's voice. "_Don't think for one second that you haven't. You should be proud of him_."

"_I am, I am. I just wonder if Charlie would be proud of him_."

"_Of course he would_." Brooke Diamond. "_We all are. The thing is, though, have you kept him up to date with what's been going on in Logan's life_? _There's no way for him to know what's been going on._"

"Let's go," Kendall whispered, pulling at his friend's arm. "You don't want to hear this."

"Yes, I do," Logan whispered back, pulling his arm out of her grip. He then frowned as he rubbed at the spot on his arm where he could feel her fingers wrapped around his arm.

"_So, how much time does he have left_?"

"_Not that long. We should be getting the call soon. I always think about it around this time. What could possesses anyone to want to sell drugs?_"

Logan's eyes widened and a soft, choked cry rushed past his lips. He heard Kendall gasp behind him. He must've heard wrong. He _had_ to have heard wrong. His dad didn't do drugs. He didn't abandon him just to sell drugs. How long had it been going on? Was life really bad he needed to find an extra way to get money? Was it all his fault? A baby was really expensive. They were all questions he wanted to ask, but he couldn't get his mouth to work.

Kendall's hand slapped over his mouth, the other hand grabbing his arm, pulling him away from kitchen door. "Stop," Kendall said into his ear before turning him around, keeping a hand over his mouth. "Will you be quiet?" Eyes still wide, breathing hard through his nose, Logan rapidly nodded his head. "I told you, you didn't want to listen to them."

"Did you know?" Logan asked.

"No!" Kendall replied. "But, they're talking in their 'I-don't-want-the-kids-to-hear' voices." Logan swallowed a couple of times, peering over at Kendall who stared at him, as if waiting for him to say something.

"My dad sold drugs," Logan said, his voice barely above a whisper.

* * *

**June 2012**

**North Richland Hills, Texas**

* * *

At eighteen, Logan visited his father in jail.

"Just take deep breaths; in and out through your nose," Logan whispered to himself, shaking out his hands before popping his knuckles. He started to loudly suck in air through his nose, releasing it out of his mouth, wringing his hands in his lap as he looked around the prison yard, waiting to be let into the building. "They'll search you, no touching, just talking."

_What do I have to say to him, though_? Logan thought to himself. He lifted his thumb to his mouth and bit down on his thumbnail. He did another sweep: despite the sun being out and shining brightly, the gray brick of the building made the place gloomy and somber.

As soon as he found out about his dad being in prison for trafficking drugs, Logan shut up. He didn't tell his mom he knew, not because he wasn't curious, but because the worry in her voice; the worry of not being good enough swirled in his head.

He didn't want her to feel badly about herself again. Being the great mom she is, she instantly noticed his shift in attitude despite trying to keep it up for the holidays. However, after explaining to him that, yes, his father was in jail, and yes he sold drugs, she asked if he had any questions about it, and he flat out said, "No."

Partly because he was going back to California in a few days time to get back to work, and he couldn't decide whether or not he _really_ wanted to know the details. He had moved on, he was happier not knowing. But, there was always his curiosity…

He hadn't seen his dad since he was a kid. He barely even remembered him; for as long as he could remember, it was always just him and his mom. His mom had always explained to him that his dad wasn't around because he was making a change with his life, but it didn't mean he didn't love Logan any less. He didn't know if he really believed her. If his dad had actually loved him, he would've taken the time to try and get in contact with him all those years. The fact of the matter was his dad wasn't around.

It was hard to avoid the questions, "Where's your dad?", "What happened to your dad?", "Why is your dad never around?" and to keep coming up with vague answers people would be ok with, "he's out of town", "he had a work commitment", "I don't know why he's not here." After a while, no one seemed to care why his dad wasn't in the picture. He moved on with his life and got used to it just being him and his mom.

"Relax." Logan turned to look at his mom as she reached out and took his hand, adjusting her seated position until she was facing his side. She patted his hand with her left one and gave him a smile."Everything will be ok. You'll see."

"Mom, you're crushing my hand," Logan said to her before giving her a small smile. Joanna smiled and quickly kissed the side of his head. "Mom!" He looked around, feeling his face heat up as Joanna let out a small chuckle.

He reached into his pocket with shaking hands, wanting some reassurance. He opened his text messages and started reading through the most recent ones from his friends.

**Kendall: **We'll be here when you get back to Cali. Only a call away.

**Carlos: **See if you can get any pictures. Dad never let me see the inside of a jail

**James: **Ignore Carlos. Good luck, dude. We're waiting to hear from ya.

**Katie: **Miss you. Stay safe.

There were many others (ranging from straight forward, to funny, to bad jokes he couldn't help but laugh at, and more) from his friends Camille Roberts, Jo Taylor, and Stephanie King as well as the Jacksons. They were, no doubt, a large group of friends and he was happy to have them all in his life, even when they couldn't be with him at the time.

"What if I don't have anything to say to him?" Logan asked, looking up at his mom.

"It's ok," Joanna replied. "I don't really know what to say to him, either, to be honest with you." He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before he darted his tongue out between them, turning to face his mom.

"…Why did we leave him behind?" Logan asked. As soon as he got the question out, more questions slammed into his head. "Why haven't you stayed in contact with him? Why didn't you tell me all of this before?"

"Logan, asked if you wanted to know anything about the situation, but you said you didn't want to know," Joanna replied, removing her hand from his. A muscle in her jaw started to twitch as she started to spin the wedding band around her finger. "I gave you the opportunity to know everything you wanted to know and now—"

"And now I want to know," Logan replied, his eyebrows shooting up. "Mom…"

"We'll discuss this later, Hortense," Joanna said as they were ushered inside. "Let's go."

_Well, Logan, it's now or never_, Logan thought to himself.

Logan followed his mother, and the line of other visitors, through the doors of the prison. He waited in line to be searched, to drop his wallet, phone, watch, anything they asked for into safe keeping, and then was ushered into a large room filled with tables and chairs.

They were briefed on what they could and couldn't while they visited, but the only thing that really stood up to Logan was they weren't allowed to touch. As he sat at the cold metal table, waiting for his dad, he glanced over at his mom. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to hug or give his dad's hand a shake, but she wasn't even allowed to kiss her husband!

He shifted his gaze over towards the door that opened and watched as men filed out, all adorned in orange jumpsuits, eyes shifting around the room. One by one the inmates walked over to their families, sitting down in front of them, smiles coming to their faces. He was paying close attention to other families, he was barely aware of his dad sitting in front of him until he felt the table shake as his knees bumped them.

Charlie Mitchell smiled at him, a small, tentative smile and lifted his hand in greeting. His long hair was brushed back out of his face, revealing the stubble which dotted his chin and upper lip. His orange sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Logan saw the scar in his eyebrow, the spot on his lip that dipped in weirdly, as if it had been split, the scar on his chin, how his cheek bones seemed a little sunken in…This was his dad now. He was a criminal, no ifs, ands or buts about it. The tattoos—some kind of chain around his wrist, a pair of dice on the back of his hand—didn't lie.

"Hi, Logan," Charlie said and a small smile came to Logan's face. He was finally hearing his dad's voice. After all these years. "Um, son. H-how are you?" Logan blinked. His southern accent really stood out to him.

"Dad," Logan breathed and Charlie's smile widened. Logan felt a little silly. He didn't know how he was going to refer to his dad after all these years, but it just slipped out and it felt…right! "I'm good. How-how are you after, um, everything?" He scratched the back of his neck.

"Good, good," Charlie replied with a nod of his head before his eyes flickered towards Joanna. "Jo…how are you? I've missed you so much." He reached out his hands towards her before pulling them to his chest when a guard loudly called, "_No touching_." He gave her a warm smile. "You look amazing."

"Thank you," Joanna replied, giving Charlie a smile as well. Logan watched as a light blush tinged her cheeks a bright pink. "I'm doing well, Charlie."

"How's, Ma?"Charlie asked and Joanna let out a heavy sigh.

"She's good," she replied, nodding his head. "Considering everything, she's good. Still working." Charlie chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. Then a moment later, the smile on his face was gone.

"I owe you an explanation," he said quietly. "Look, son," Charlie said, a pained expression crossing his face for a moment. "I never, _ever _wanted to hurt you." He looked over at Joanna. "Either of you. All my time being here I had two reasons to serve my time and get out as quickly as I could and those reasons were your mother and you. I had a good reason for why I did what I did."

"Please," Joanna said quietly. "Tell us."

Logan looked up at his mom in surprise. _Even she doesn't know_? He thought to himself, his eyebrows knitting together. He returned his gaze to his dad, but he couldn't hear what he was saying. He could see his dad's lips moving, but nothing came out.

And then Logan went numb. He felt his breath rush out of his lungs; a tightness creeping in. It squeezed him tighter and tighter. He needed air. Logan set his hands down on the table, getting to his feet. He muttered an apology before leaving the room.

* * *

**September 2013**

**Los Angeles, California **

**(Palm Woods)**

* * *

At nineteen, he found out his dad was on parole.

Logan glanced over at his phone suddenly rang. He peered at the caller ID, frowning when he didn't recognize the number. He set his computer aside before jabbing his thumb into the answer key, putting it up to his ear.

"Hello," he said into the phone.

He blinked when he heard a clicking sound and then rhythmic beeping. Peering at his phone, he saw the numbers on the timer of the call flashing before the screen went back to the home section of his phone. Logan blinked a couple of times, staring down at his phone before bringing up the key pad, jabbing his thumb into the number 2 of his phone, holding it up to his ear.

His phone rang in his ear a couple of times before there was a small beep and Logan could hear his mom let out a cheerful, "Hello" into his ear.

"Hi, mom," Logan said with a smile, falling back against his pillows. "I know you're normally the one to call me on my birthday, but I thought I could shake things up this year."

Logan could practically hear a smile in his mom's voice as they talked. He loved being out in California, and they stayed in contact as much as possible, but he did wish he could see his mom more often. The one time she came to California was such a surprise, it made her leaving again harder for him; but he knew she was proud of him.

"Everything at home is going well?" he asked.

"_Yes, yes, everything is fine. I'm fine, Nana is fine…your father is fine_. _Last I've heard about him_."

Logan nodded his head and, realizing she couldn't see him, added a "mmm-hmmm." There was silence on her end as well as his on his side. He could hear her breathing start and stop, as if she wanted to say something to him, but couldn't find the right words. He certainly was feeling the same way.

"Good," he finally managed to get out. He cleared his throat and licked his lips. "I'm glad."

"_I'm sure he'd like to hear from you, Logan_."

"I know," Logan replied, drumming his fingers on his jean-clad leg. "Nana always tells me." He laughed quietly. "When she manages to remember how e-mailing works."

"_You know how old fashioned she is. You love getting letters from Nana and you know it_."

"Yes, I do," Logan agreed with a nod of his head.

"_She enjoys writing to you, too. She's at home all by herself; she gets lonely, she just likes having someone to talk to. It's why I call her often._"

"Yeah, I know," Logan replied. "I should call her more." He scratched at the back of his neck before letting out a sigh. "Look, Mom, I know it's late over there, and I have a bunch of studying I have to do, so I'm going to let you go."

"_Night sweetie, and Happy Birthday. Have a great day tomorrow and I'll call you later_."

"Thanks, mom," Logan replied, before hanging up his phone. He pulled his computer into his lap for a second time, but before he could do anything, his phone rang a second time. He glanced at the caller ID before answering it.

"_Hello. Is this Mr. Hortense Mitchell?_"

Logan pulled the phone away from his ear, peering at the caller ID for another moment. He recognized the area code for Texas, but there wasn't a name for it. He didn't recognize the voice either, but somehow they had found his phone number.

"Um, yes, yes it is," Logan replied as he put his phone back to his ear. "Logan."

"_Hi_," the man on the other end said, sounding chipper. "_I'm calling from the North Richland Hills Joint Detention Facility_."

Logan sat up, his eyebrows knitting together. _North Richland Hills? _Logan thought, feeling his heart beat speed up. He hadn't heard any mention of his hometown in Texas ever since he had moved away. _Oh, God. _

"Yeah?" he asked. He made a face when he heard his voice crack. He cleared his throat before trying again. "I mean…yes?"

"_Sorry if this is a bad time, Mr. Mitchell, but my name is Louis Sullivan," __the man on the other end of the phone replied. __"I've been trying to reach you all day, but I couldn't get a hold of you." __Logan silently nodded before quickly making a noise with the back of his throat__. _"_I'm calling about Charlie Mitchell. He is of relation to you, correct?_"

Logan closed his eyes, feeling his heart drop. "Yeah, he's…he's my dad," Logan replied. He slowly breathed in and out of his nose. "Is…is everything ok?" Logan didn't get an answer right away, but got an earful of shuffling papers._ What is this about_?

"_Hold on a secooond," _Louis all but sang as the shuffling sound drilled into Logan's ear. "_Ah, here we go. I'm calling to inform you—as you have requested to be on the contact list of this inmate—that your father was __released from prison today."_

_Logan felt his jaw drop._A chill went down his spine, and his heart started beating in his chest. His lips twitched into a smile, and then into a frown, into another smile, and then into a look of shock. He didn't know how to feel; he didn't know what to think.

"_Mr. Mitchell?_" Louis asked, sounding concerned. "_Are you still there_?"

"Uh," Logan said, realizing he had done nothing but breathe into the phone for a moment. "Yes, yeah, I'm still here. Um, thank you for telling me."

"_You're quite welcome, Mr. Mitchell. I hope you have a nice day today. Oh, and happy birthday._"

"Yeah, thanks," Logan replied, drawing little circles on his bedspread. "Uh…bye." He removed his phone from his ear and hung up the call. He tapped his cell phone against his bottom lip before tossing it aside. Groaning, he fell back against his pillows and he ran his hands over his face and into his hair.

_Happy Birthday to me_.

* * *

**A/N: **So this is a re-write to Up Against the Wall, the fic for Rage-Against-Time. The last one I was doing went far off from what I originally wanted it to be and it was darker than I wanted as well. Hope you liked the start to this.

This originally was going to be set in season 3, but I changed it to Season 4.

-Rhuben


	2. Happy Birthday

**02**

* * *

**September 2013**

**Los Angeles, California **

**(Palm Woods)**

* * *

"_Logan, get up_!"

Logan blinked open his eyes before pulling his blanket up over his head. Seconds later, his bed started to shake as Carlos jumped up and down on his bed. He could feel where his friend's feet imprinted on either side of his legs, travelling farther and farther up his body.

"Ssstooooop," Logan said as he bounced on his bed. Logan let out a huff of annoyance before rolling onto his back, swinging his blankets down to his waist. "Carlos, serioul—_ow_!" Carlos stopped jumping and crash landed all of his body weight onto his friend. "What the hell?"

Carlos grinned, sitting back on his heels. "Good, you're awake," he said simply. Logan stared at Carlos as if he had grown a second head. Carlos stared back at him as silence fell over the two of them.

"Get. Off," Logan said to his friend through clenched teeth, slowly blinking.

"Sheesh, you think the birthday boy would be grateful," Carlos said as he rolled off of his friend and onto the floor. "Mama Knight wanted me to wake you up. Chocolate Chip pancakes are calling your name. Come on."

"I'll be there in a minute," Logan replied as a yawn forced him to drop his jaw, closing his eyes as he stretched his arms above his head.

"Hurry or I'll eat all the bacon," Carlos teased before making his way out of the room.

"Ha, ha," Logan said, dropping his arms back onto his stomach. Only he knew that Carlos was only half joking. When it came to bacon, or any kind of food for that matter, he wouldn't hesitate to jump on the opportunity to eat it all himself. "I'm coming."

His chest swelled as he sucked in a deep breath of air, the smell of pancakes and bacon wafting to his nose, making him smile. _It's my birthday_. He looked over at the clock…and it all came rushing back to him: staying up late finishing work, the late night phone call, and the news about his dad.

He was nineteen years old, a man. However in some cases, he didn't feel like one. He felt like a scared little boy; a scared little boy who talked like an adult. The same scared little boy he was all those years ago; who followed the straight and narrow path, who didn't do anything wrong because he was scared of doing something bad. All because his dad had gone to jail for doing a "bad thing."

"_A life without risks is a life unlived, my friend_." Kendall had said that to him over and over again for years, trying to get him to live a little. But, he just couldn't break having to be the good guy. Yes, he had taken some risks as he grew up—with Kendall as a friend it was kind of impossible not to—but he always weighed out the options.

_How much trouble would they get in_? A lot.

_What was the probability that they would get in trouble_? 100%

_How much fun would it be_? That depended on how much trouble they got in.

_Was there a chance of talking Kendall out of it_? Slim to none.

He couldn't deny that a lot of the time, good things came out of those risks. If they hadn't soaked the girls field hockey team, they wouldn't have been pummeled badly enough to stay home. In turn, they never would've seen the TV newscaster announce Gustavo Rocque coming to Minnesota, and they never would've gotten the idea to get James to audition no matter what.

"Oh, good, you're up." Logan shifted his gaze towards the door and saw Kendall leaning in the door before he pushed it open, stepping inside. "Got up earlier, but I didn't want to wake you. You were up late."

"Couldn't sleep," Logan replied, sitting up in his bed, his blankets collecting around his waist as he did so. "Had too much on my mind." He watched as Kendall made his way over to his dresser, pulling open the top drawer to grab a shirt to change into.

Logan closed his eyes, sucking in a deep breath of air. "I have to tell you something," he spoke up and Kendall turned around to face him. He flipped his t-shirt upside down and parted the bottom before pulling it over his head. "It's important."

What's wrong?" Kendall asked, concerned.

"I have to tell you something," Logan repeated.

Kendall's eyebrows twitched. "You said that already," he replied. He walked over to their shared closet and pulled open the doors. He reached for one of the many flannel shirts hanging inside before pulling it off the hangers, sliding his arms through the sleeves before rolling them up to his elbows. He sat down on his bed, clasping his hands together. "What's up?"

"Uhhh," Logan stalled, staring back at his friend. He bowed his head, scratching at the back of his neck. He had always been wishy-washy with his decisions; deciding on one thing and then quickly changing his mind, and just as quickly changing his mind back.

Even when they had gone back to Minnesota for a short while when it looked like their dream of going on tour and releasing an album had quickly been ripped away from them, he settled back into his idea of being a doctor; but found it hard to decide what to put on his application, what not to put on his application, and when Gustavo came knocking on their door, it was hard to decide whether or not to go back out to California.

It was already scary enough having gone out there in the first place, but having to do it again; it really made him stop and think. But, that's what James wanted to do and he would do anything to help his friend. His brother. They always had each other's backs. He knew that Kendall would have his now.

_Just tell him, Logan, he'll understand_, Logan thought to himself. _What's the worst that could happen? _He twisted his fingers together in his lap before he got up off his bed, making his way over to the bedroom door. He pushed his weight up against the door and let out a sigh, raking his fingers through his hair. _It's not or never._

"So…all these years…you've noticed my dad hasn't been around," Logan said as he shuffled his feet against the ground, making his way back over to his bed. He slowly lowered himself down onto the mattress. He let out a weird laugh."Of course you've noticed; you were there when you found out _why _he wasn't around."

Kendall's lips formed a line as he slowly nodded his head. "What's up? Seriously?" Kendall asked, catching his attention. "Logie, you're acting strange."

"Uh…well," Logan said before sucking in a deep breath of air. He held it for a moment before letting it all out in a rush. "Last night…I got a phone call…about my dad."

Kendall's eyebrows shot up. A series of emotions quickly passed over his face before stopping on worry. "He's…is he…did he…_die_?" he asked.

"Oh! No," Logan said with a shake of his head. "He didn't die."

"Well, that's good," Kendall said with a small smile. "So…" He waved his hands in the air. "Logan, what's-?"

"My dad's been released from prison," Logan blurted out before he could stop himself.

And it was in that moment that he left his body. It was like he was floating at the top of the room, watching himself and Kendall talk. He watched the words come out of his mouth and he watched as Kendall's face registered shock, surprise, and concern all at once as his jaw dropped. He watched as he folded in on himself, hugging himself as if he had suddenly grown cold. And then he was back in his own body.

"S-say something," he prompted.

Kendall closed his mouth and swallowed. His eyes widened before they returned to their normal size. He pressed his lips together. Logan just felt like jumping to his feet and shaking him, commanding him to say what was on his mind if not try to shake the thoughts out of his head and to get him to forget what he had even just told him.

"I…wow," Kendall slowly replied. His cheeks puffed out as he let out a breath of air. "He's…so he's back? I mean is he coming back? I mean—"

"He, um, I don't know what he's going to do," Logan said, scratching the back of his head. "My mom probably knows by now." He glanced over at the clock a second time. "She's at work now and I haven't had the chance to look at my e-mail yet." He dropped his hands into his lap again. "He's been gone for so long. I never thought that'd happen."

"Why didn't you say anything last night?" Kendall asked. "No wonder you couldn't sleep."

_Because he did a bad thing_, Logan thought. Those words nearly escaped from his lips, but they were so…juvenile. He was told those words when he was a kid and he stuck with it. It was a simple answer back then; he did something bad and bad people get punished.

"Happy Birthday to me, huh?" he asked with a short laugh. He twisted his mouth to the side and Kendall scratched the back of his neck before putting his face into his hands. "I didn't know what to say. That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't know how you'd react."

Kendall's lips pulled back into a weird smile. Logan could guess what he was thinking. James's dad divorced his mom and was now dating someone half her age, and Kendall's dad hit him when he was a kid and was no longer in the picture.

How could Kendall or both Kendall and James not understand his situation? Simply put, their dad's weren't in jail. Not that he was trying to compare situations, but they could always fly out and see their sons if they wanted, his dad couldn't. Then again, Kendall was there when he heard, or rather overheard, the news.

"I know you and James would get it," Logan said with a shrug. "I don't know. I guess, talking about it…it makes it real, you know? He actually _is _in jail…or _was._ He actually _did_ something wrong."

"You visited him, though," Kendall pointed out to him.

"It felt like a dream," Logan replied. "A very bad dream."

Kendall nodded as he listened to Logan talk and then he was suddenly on his feet, making his way over to Logan. Logan looked up at his friend as Kendall grabbed his shoulders, pulling him to his feet and into a tight hug. Logan blinked before relaxing into the hug, pressing his forehead into Kendall's shoulder, reaching his arms up to give his back a couple of slaps. Kendall then stepped back and gently shook him.

"You don't have to keep this from us," Kendall said to him, giving him a small smile. Logan snorted. "I know, I know. Who am I to say that when the only way you found out about my dad was when you overhead my mom and I talking?" His smile waned a little bit, but it was still there. "I get it, Logan. Really, I do."

"Yeah, and so…I've just been thinking about it," Logan said, running his fingers through his hair. "It wouldn't surprise me if he tried to get in contact with me. I don't really know if I want him to. Kendall's eyebrows shot up. "I've been going back and forth about whether or not I really wanted to do it. I mean, I'm happy with my life now; with this, with all of you guys, and the Jacksons, and Jo, and Camille, and Stephanie, but now it's just…complicated."

"What isn't complicated nowadays?" Kendall asked with a short laugh. "So, what are you going to do if he _does _call? Or if he asks to see you?"

Logan suddenly felt warm all over. His stomach twisted up into knots as he glanced at the closed bedroom door out of the corner of his eye. He suddenly wanted to leave. He felt weird. He felt like something was coming towards him and he didn't have any room to get out of the way. His heart beat sped up as he started to breathe in and out of his nose.

"Look, Logan, I blew my chance with my dad," Kendall said quietly. "Looking back on it, I wish I did talk to him about everything." He used his thumb to scratch at his eyebrow and Logan's lips twitched into a smile. "I had my chance with getting closure and now you have yours. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity." Kendall suddenly grinned. "It's like I always say; grab it with both hands and go big time."

"Yeah." Logan chuckled. "So, um, thanks for listening."

"Anytime, bro," Kendall replied, clapping Logan on the shoulder. "Anytime. Oh, and Happy Birthday."

"Yeah, thanks," Logan replied before heading over to his dresser to change. "Hey, Kendall…you can tell James and Carlos if you want. I mean, they already know about him being in prison…"

"Only if you want me to, Logan," Kendall replied. "But, I think it should come from you." He then nodded his head. "Sure, I will."

"Thanks," Logan replied.

"Anytime," Kendall said.

He and Kendall quickly finished changing their clothes before making their way into the kitchen. Plates of pancakes were already sitting at their spots. After being sung "Happy Birthday" from Mrs. Knight, James, Carlos, and Katie Knight, Kendall's little sister, they all dug in to the warm breakfast.

Logan didn't join in much of the conversation making it a point to always have something in his mouth to make it that he didn't _have_ to talk. It was an odd feeling; to have life changing news looming over him, but be put in a happy situation. He just smiled and nodded at whatever it was that was said around him.

Once they were all finished, he offered to do the dishes, and took their plates to the sink as Katie made a comment about going down to the pool and Kendall, James, and Carlos started up a game of dome hockey.

"Logan, do you have any jeans that need to be washed?"

Logan turned away from the sink to see Mrs. Knight carrying a basket of laundry out of James and Carlos's room. He used his elbow to turn off the faucet before reaching for the hand towel beside him. "No, I'm ok," he replied, giving her a smile. "But, thank you."

"You're welcome, sweetheart," Mrs. Knight replied, returning the smile before she set the basket down onto the kitchen table.

"Hey, Mama Knight, can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked quietly.

One of the things he liked the most about Mrs. Knight was knowing that she was always around to lend a listening ear and to give advice. Sometimes she even gave advice when he, nor anyone else, wanted it at the time. The best thing was that she never threw things back in your face if you chose not to follow what it was that she told them to do to avoid any conflicts.

"Sure, sweetie," Mrs. Knight replied, setting her basket down onto the kitchen table. "What's wrong?" She started lifting a shirt out of the basket and folding it.

"Well…you know about my dad," Logan muttered, scratching the back of his neck. Mrs. Knight paused before nodded, turning to look at him. "And…did my mom e-mail you this morning? Or call?" She pressed her lips together. Logan glanced over at his friends and saw Kendall peering over at them before he returned his gaze to dome hockey. He lowered his voice. "I got a call last night that my dad's out of prison."

"Yes, she e-mailed me this morning about it," Mrs. Knight replied with a nod. Logan slowly breathed in and out through his nose. Silence fell between the two of them. "Are you ok?"

She started shaking a shirt into the air before folding it against her chest before setting it down onto a stack on the table. She then reached for a pair of socks. She tilted her head to the side when he didn't say anything. It was a comfort that she knew what was going on, it took a little bit of the weight off his shoulders.

"We can talk later if you want, sweetie."

"No, it's ok," Logan replied, giving a fleeting smile. "I just…do you think I should talk to my dad?"

"Unfortunately, Logan, I can't really give you that answer," Mrs. Knight replied after a moment of silence. "You see, it doesn't matter what I think, what matters is what you and Joanne want to do about it."

"It's just…I don't know how he's going to fix things, or how he even thinks he'd be able to do that," Logan said, leaning against the back of the chair in front of him.

"No one knows for sure, sweetheart," Mrs. Knight replied. "But, if you think it's worth the risk, give it a shot."

* * *

**Los Angeles, California**

**(San Marino)**

* * *

Logan stepped into the Jackson-McGuire home and was greeted by the upbeat lyrics to Hall & Oats' You Make My Dreams Come True as it pumped at no less than—what he could guess—was 100 decibels. Not that loud music was a big surprise, but it was a nice change of pace from the shouts, screams, and maniacal laughter that would normally fill every corner of the vast house.

"Hey, it's…" Logan stopped in mid shout as he stepped into the kitchen, a smile coming to his face as he watched Rhuben Jackson-McGuire dance around the kitchen, singing along to the song. She bopped her way over to the microwave as it beeped and she pulled the door open to release the smell of popcorn into the open air. Logan closed his eyes as he breathed in the scent of the fresh snack as she poured it into the bowl.

He stepped into the kitchen, making his way over to the counter, reaching his hand into the bowl of popcorn, grabbing a small handful. He quietly lowered the strap to the camera bag from his shoulder and set it down onto the counter. He hummed to himself, bobbing his head back and forth as he placed kernel after kernel into his mouth. He watched as she crossed the kitchen to the refrigerator, pulling open the door. Logan quietly stepped across the room, coming up behind her, putting his mouth to her ear and biting down on the popcorn.

"Jesus!" Rhuben cried, whirling around, pointing a bottle of chocolate syrup at him. She closed her eyes, relaxing when she realized who it was. Logan laughed, putting his hands up defensively. "Don't do that. You're just as bad as Noah."

"You could have Carlos go crashing through the walls in here and you still wouldn't hear him," Logan said with a laugh, talking over the loud music. "Figured you'd at least sense I was there or something."

Rhuben briefly glanced up at the ceiling before setting the bottle of chocolate syrup down on the island before making her way out of the room, her footsteps thundering on the linoleum floor. Minutes later, the volume to the song was lowered considerably.

"I'd hear him. I recognize the noise we make, Carlos's noise is all him," Rhuben replied, putting her hands on her hips. She then smiled before opening her arms, giving him a hug. "Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," Logan said as he hugged her back. "I was starting to think you forgot."

"Me?" Rhuben asked, her eyebrows shooting up. "No way. How could I forget your birthday? After all, it's only two days before mine." She gave him a bright smile and Logan laughed lightly. "You ok, though? You look like something's bothering you."

"Just…wanted to see what you were doing," Logan replied with a shrug. Rhuben's eyes narrowed slightly, but she nodded her head. "This was the song my parents danced to on their wedding day. Did I ever tell you that?"

"No," Rhuben replied with a shake of her head as she grabbed the bottle of chocolate syrup. She popped the top and turned the bottle upside down, starting to squeeze the syrup out onto the popcorn. "Then again, you don't talk much about your parents; when they were still together I mean."

Logan made a noise in the back of his throat, nodding his head. "They're still together," he replied before scrunching up half of his face, "I guess. I mean, I don't think they're separated or anything. Just…apart. Due to circumstances." He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "What are you doing?"

"Chocolate Drizzle Popcorn," Rhuben replied, setting down the chocolate syrup. "The girls are coming over to spend the night; Riles went to get Katie and Lizzie. Pat and No are cleaning the pool and Syd is, as usual, shut up in his room working on some science mumbo-jumbo." She squeezed a drop of chocolate syrup onto her finger before licking it off, setting the bottle down. She slapped her hand down on top of it to close the bottle. "I may not be as good a cook as Riles, but I do my best."

"You make some of the best toast I've ever had," Logan replied and Rhuben chuckled rolled her eyes. "Come on, that has to be so sticky and messy."

"We're not on your tour bus, Logie, it's fine," Rhuben pointed out and Logan closed his mouth before he let out a short laugh. He was one of the cleanest out of Big Time Rush, trying to keep every aspect of his life neat and tidy, including the times they were travelling on a tour bus from city to city performing concert after concert. She smacked her lips before resting her arms on the counter. "What's really bothering you?"

Logan twisted his mouth to the side peering back at her before grasping her hand, gently tugging it. Rhuben gave him a confused look as she allowed him to pull her out from behind the island. He gave her a smile as he started dancing along to the music, swinging her arms along to the movement. Rhuben shook her head, a smile coming to her face before she started to dance as well.

He knew she couldn't resist, she loved dancing too much and as he spun her a couple of times before taking her hand again, he saw the light of laughter in her eyes, and watched the silly side of her come out, a side she didn't show that often outside of her house or around the comfort of her friends. The two of them sang along to the song as they danced around the kitchen, their laughter breaking up the words.

"Someone's been practicing," Rhuben said, her eyebrows shooting up as the song faded out at the end. She planted her hands on her hips before raking her fingers through her hair. "Although, I can't help but notice that it's not the dance moves your new choreographer assigned you."

"We miss you around the studio," Logan said with a groan as he leaned up against the island. "All we do now is work, work, work."

"Not like you did anything different when I was teaching you, blokes," Rhuben said with a laugh.

"Well yeah," Logan agreed with a nod of his head before giving a small pout. "But, you gave us words of encouragement, too."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're sexy when you're sad?" Rhuben asked and Logan shook his head. "Good."

"Ha ha," Logan replied, reaching up to adjust the backwards hat on his head, pushing it farther up his forehead.

"Seriously, what's up?" Rhuben asked before she lifted her hands, wiggling her fingers in the air. "You're sending out weird vibes. It's killing my mood. It's your birthday, you should be happy."

"I am," Logan replied. "And I can't wait to celebrate at the pier tomorrow."

"Not like we haven't been there a million times already," Rhuben pointed out to him. "But, who's counting?"

Logan reached his hand into the bowl of popcorn and grabbed a handful, shoving some into his mouth. "Mmm, this is really good."

"Told ya," Rhuben replied with a grin. "Don't underestimate the goodness of chocolate."

"Yeah," Logan agreed, licking at his hand before showing it to her. Popcorn was stuck to his fingers and palm. He wiggled his fingers. "But, it's really sticky." He then moved his hand towards her face and Rhuben slapped at his wrist, backing away from him.

"Stop," she laughed as he continued to try and stick the popcorn to her face.

She let out a shriek as he suddenly lunged at her, before she ran around the island. Logan chased after her, laughing. He followed her around a back hallway before she quickly cut towards the front door. As they hurtled past a window covered room, the doors open and her father, Ronan McGuire stepped out into the hallway, a phone to his ear.

"How many times do I have to tell you to not make noise around this door when I'm working?" he asked as Logan skidded to a stop to prevent himself from colliding with the older man. Rhuben spun around, cringing as she made her way back to her dad.

"Sorry, sir-dad!" she quickly replied. Logan looked up at Ronan to see a hurt look quickly pass over his face. "I forgot. Logan was being an idiot."

"Thanks," Logan said sarcastically and Ronan shifted his gaze towards him.

"Hold on one second," Ronan said to him before heading back into his office, closing the door behind him.

"So...how are things around here?" Logan asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Rhuben did the same before leaning her shoulder against the wall, giving him an annoyed look.

"Are you going to ask that every time you come over or just when I make a mistake like that?" she asked. Logan glanced at the closed door, hearing Ronan's muffled voice before he looked back over at his friend.

"I saw the look on his face, that's all," Logan said quietly.

"So did I," Rhuben replied in the same tone of voice, blinking once. "Easy to spot. Doesn't make me feel any better when someone points it out."

"Sorry," Logan said quietly.

"It's ok," Rhuben replied as she let out a heavy sigh through her nose. "But, seriously, how many times are you going to ask that question?" She gave him a half smile, one he could tell she used to try and lighten the situation. "It's something you ask every time you come over here."

"Not _every_ time," Logan protested. Rhuben gave him a pointed look, twisting her mouth to the side. "Ok, every time. I'm just curious."

"Nosey more like," she replied, putting a finger to her nose. "I want an answer though." Logan peered at her for a moment before he gave a short nod of his head.

"I'm going to keep asking until I get the answer that I want to hear," he replied. "I know it'll take a while but...it's worth waiting for."

"I doubt the pummeling you get from my annoyance, or Riles's, whichever comes first, will be, though," Rhuben said with a smirk. She looked up as the doors opened and Ronan stepped back out, handing him a card in an envelope, hands free from the phone.

"Here, Logan," he said with a smile. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks, Ronan," Logan said with a smile as he took the card. Hearing a crunch, he looked down to see chocolate syrup and popcorn bits in his hand, now on the envelope. "Oh, great."

"Have that happen to me a few times," Ronan said with a laugh. "I'm going to head back to work. I need half an hour more of quiet, please?"

"Sure, dad," Rhuben replied with a nod as she walked over to Logan. She grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards the kitchen. "Being back to recording this year, he's had a lot on his plate."

"I don't doubt it," Logan replied, licking at his fingers. "You never answered my question. How is everything here?"

"You never answered mine," Rhuben said. "And it's good." She gave him a smile. "It's really good."

"Great." Logan smiled back. "I'm glad."

"Me too."

* * *

**Minneapolis, Minnesota**

* * *

Joanna Mitchell made it to her home after a long day of work and tossed her keys and shoes down onto the bottom stairs, after kicking the door shut behind her. She locked it and then sighed, making her way towards the phone that started to ring. She walked over to the wall mount for the phone and picked it up, glancing at the caller ID. She quickly answered and ended the call before putting the phone back into its cradle.

She headed into the kitchen and reached into a cabinet for a bottle of wine and a glass. Popping out the cork, she started to hum to herself before lifting the bottle, pouring the golden fluid into her glass. She put the cork back in, grasped the wine glass and made her way into the living room. She collapsed onto the couch and kicked her feet up onto the table, crossing them at her ankles. She reached for her laptop and logged on all with one hand, taking a sip of the wine with the other.

She was barely logged into her computer for 5 minutes when a jingle hit the air, causing her to jump. A black bar with green and red buttons popped up on her screen. She leaned closer towards the screen, peering at the buttons before slowly dragging her finger across the touch pad before clicking on the second green button. Her screen suddenly went blank before turning a deep blue color and a light popped up on the top of her computer before a box appeared and she was face to face with Jennifer Knight.

A wide smile came to Joanna's face and she waved at her friend. Jennifer waved back and said something that Joanna couldn't hear. Joanna looked around her keyboard and jabbed her finger into the mute button. "Did it work?" she asked louder than she needed to. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes, I can hear you," Jennifer replied, laughing a little bit. "You don't have to yell Joanna."

"This technology," Joanna said, shaking her head back and forth. "I don't know how I've gotten this far without Logan. I wouldn't even know what Skype thing was."

"How are you doing?" Jennifer asked, a look of worry coming to her face. "I've tried calling."

"I'm just about to disconnect my phone," Joanna said with a sigh, rubbing at her eyes. "It's gotten a little crazy around here."

Jennifer's eyes went to the wine glass in her hand. "I can tell," she said, jokingly. "Logan's been doing well, considering. I don't think it's really sunk in." She raked her fingers through her auburn hair. "He talked to me this morning about it. Just wanted some advice." She shook her head. "I'm worried about the two of you. Logan seems to just be trying to forget he heard anything and I think that's going to catch up to him when he least expects it."

"That's Logan for you," Joanna said with a sigh.

Logan was always a curious kid, wanting to learn as much as he could, especially about his dad. She didn't want him to be worried or be scared or have to learn all about the things she had personally seen or heard other people say or do in regards to their family and didn't want him to know all about it. She barely answered his questions, only enough to pacify him for the time being and then after a while, he just stopped asking. She was relieved, she just didn't anticipate her son building up such a grudge for his own father and she didn't know how it'd blow up in her face when he found out.

Her husband was out of jail and she never thought she'd see the day when that happened. Worse she felt like she had abandoned him. In a way, she had: when Logan was around ten years old, she moved away without telling him where they went, but that wasn't just to get away from the stares and the whispers, and the harassment—it was part of it, she didn't want to expose Logan to anything like that—but it was also because her job was demanding a move. It was an opportunity to get more money to pay for their lawyer. It was all just too much for them to handle and her parents weren't going to help.

They were old-fashioned in that sense. "If you get yourself in trouble, you can get yourself out," they would say. Adding on the fact that Charlie had sold drugs to get to that point in the first place, they didn't want to have anything to do with him.

She hadn't even gone by her first name, Christine, in years, neither has Logan. Shortly after meeting and becoming close friends with Brooke Diamond, Jennifer Knight, and Sylvia Garcia, did she explain to them everything that was going on and how she wanted them to all start calling her son by his middle name, Logan. Kendall, Carlos, and James had a little trouble following that until Brooke all but demanded that they start calling him "Logan" instead of Hortense.

And here he was as part of one of the most popular boy bands…making a lot of money. Enough money that he could…possibly use…to help his father. But, she was too proud and too guilty to ask for the help, let alone to use his money to help someone her son thought of as a stranger. It was a miracle that he even agreed to talk with his father online.

"What about you?" Jennifer asked. "Are you ok?"

"It's…hard," Joanna replied, nodding her head repeatedly. Jennifer clicked her tongue, slowly shaking her head back and forth in sympathy. "I thought I was doing a good job keeping it out of work, but they want me to take a week or two off to get this all sorted out."

"You look like you could use some time off, sweetie," Jennifer commented. "Have you asked Brooke and Sylvia for any advice?"

"You know, Brooke, she's not the best person to go to for this," Joanna said, shaking her head as well. "She would probably sell me some products to make myself look alluring even while sobbing." She took a few gulps of her wine and then locked eyes with her friend.

"If it stings, that means it's working," the two of them said in unison before they started to laugh. Joanna's smile faded as her laughter subsided.

"Sylvia would do anything she could to help, considering my parents won't," Joanna explained, "However, she doesn't know him as well as I do. To her, he screwed up and he's always going to be a screw up. You know she feels that way about Kevin and Paul."

Jennifer hesitated before slowly nodding. "I love her, I do, but she's too judgmental sometimes," Joanna continued. "You know her, she won't ever admit it, but I don't think she'd lend me some money."

"I wish I had enough to help you out, dear," Jennifer said with a sigh, raking her fingers through her hair. "Really, I do."

"I know, but I can't ask you and Kendall to do that for me," Joanna replied, feeling herself frown as well. "You both work so hard for what you earn."

"So do you, Jo," Jennifer said, her voice suddenly filling with emotion. "So do you. You know the hardships I went through after Kevin left." She wiped at her eyes with her thumb. "You've always been there to help; taking the kids in when I had all those court hearings. I just wish there was some way I could help you."

"Just look out for my baby," Joanna replied, leaning forward to set down her glass of wine before using both hands to wipe at her eyes. "Just look out for my baby."

* * *

**A/N: **Slow start, but things pick up quickly. I'm doing my best to not have Logan interacting with his dad not so drawn out as last time. You'll see some chapters done from Rhuben's point of view, but not a lot.

**PS: **I have that extra chapter for _Turning Into You_ coming this weekend, and another one-shot for Katie and Lizzie's friendship, too.

-Rhuben


	3. Ace in the Hole

**03**

* * *

**Santa Monica, California**

* * *

If there was one place she could be for the rest of her life, Rhuben Jackson-McGuire wouldn't hesitate to pick the beach. The sound of the waves lapping on the shore, seagulls splitting the air with their piercing cry, and surfing to her heart's content.

To spend the day at Santa Monica Pier with her family and friends was the best way to spend her birthday, falling just short of going back to Australia. Nothing could compare to Bondi Beach; Manly was a close second, as it wasn't as busy and crowded compared to Bondi. All in all, surf, sand, sun, and her friends and family was all she wanted and she never thought she'd ever get that wish to come true and in a way, she still didn't have it.

As they all made their way away from the Ferris wheel, Rhuben couldn't help but look back and forth between the her best friends, Logan and Riley, wondering when it was that they were even really going to acknowledge each other. Apart from their greeting at the beginning of the night and wish each other a happy birthday, and occasional comments in conversations, they hadn't really interacted.

Not that she could blame them; you'd be a little distant with your friend if you stopped being friends, especially after an argument in which harsh things, true things, were said in the heat of the moment. Logan and Riley had stopped being friends about two years before after a bad argument. She told him she had long stopped thinking of him as a best friend, stating that they were never really friends, as well as blowing up at him for constantly treating her like a science experiment after their abuse had come to light.

He had taken it all in stride, which, knowing Riley, probably fueled her anger even more. He was hurting, too. To know that his friends had gone through so much at the hands of their father and that he had an inkling about it even as a kid but didn't say anything about it was hard on him. He, from what she could understand, wanted to make up for it by being there, to show them that he understood. Yes, even she had to admit that he went overboard with his statistics and percentages but "Science Talk" was the only way he could get himself to talk about it. He just didn't know how to handle talking about it normally.

It sucked being stuck in the middle. On the one hand, Riley was her sister, her _twin _sister, and Rhuben's loyalty immediately had gone to her. On the other, she didn't have a problem with Logan, not one should could overlook, anyway. If Rhuben had to guess, it was the pressure of the looming trial that got the two of them to blow up.

"I know what you're doing." Rhuben blinked, looking over at Logan as they made their way through the crowds of people at the pier. He gave her a knowing look and she gave a brief roll of her eyes as he nodded his head in front of him, indicating Riley who was walking ahead of them, hand in hand with Kendall. "That stunt on the Ferris wheel, making sure the tree of us all sat together."

"Everybody and their mother knows what I'm doing, Logie," she replied, reaching up with her hand to adjust the strap to her camera, removing it from the groove it was digging into her neck. She held onto a candy apple stick with her other hand. "It's our birthday for God's sake."

"Your birthday's not until tomorrow," Logan pointed out to her, giving her a smile.

"Forgive me for forgetting," Rhuben replied as she lifted a hand to shove his shoulder. Logan let out a chuckle and he lifted his hands to adjust the backwards hat on his head. "So, how's everything with you two?"

"Fine," Logan said with a shrug of his shoulders. "It's always fine." Rhuben nodded her head before pursing her lips, a humming sound rumbling in the back of her throat. "You're doing the, 'I want to hear more, but I'm not going to push the subject' hum again."

"Sue me," Rhuben replied with a one-shoulder shrug before taking a bit out of the apple. She held it out to him and Logan took it, taking a bite as well. "It's just weird, that's all."

"You're just _now _starting to notice how weird our group is?" Logan asked, his eyebrows shooting up. "Where've you been the past couple of years?"

"In therapy," Rhuben replied without a moment of hesitation and Logan winced slightly. He gave her an apologetic look before shoving his hands into his jeans pockets.

In truth, she was always just in her head and not even for the past couple of years, but for most of her life. She was always thinking; what would happen if she said this, what would happen if she did that? Every thought and feeling had to be calculated perfectly; every action could be twisted and spun into something, anything else then what she had intended.

That wasn't a way to live. Therapy was helping; there was no point in hiding it.

"I'd prefer it if you just didn't bring it up," she said to him, spotting the curious look on his face. "Not right now, anyway. But, it's good." Logan lifted a hand into the air, shifting his eyebrows upwards, turning his head away slightly. "Then again, you wouldn't be my Logan if you didn't as there was a 100% chance you'd ask."

"95%," Logan corrected her and she gave him a confused look. "The five percent holding me back was me knowing I could get a verbal tongue lashing from you. Given the point of the festivities of the night, I was considering backing off."

"But?" Rhuben prompted and Logan gave a half smile.

"You know me better than that," he replied, giving her a pointed look. Rhuben stared at him for a moment before letting out a short laugh of disbelief, shifting her eyes towards the sky, shaking her head back and forth.

"You're right, I do," she said, sliding her black nail polish covered fingers through her hair. She bumped his shoulder with her own and he bumped hers back. "I know you miss her." Logan gave her a confused look and Rhuben's eyebrow twitched before she waved a hand in the air. "Riles, I mean." Logan made a humming sound. "And now you want _me _to not bring that up." Logan put his finger to his nose. "Well, I also know that something's been bothering you. Five guesses?"

She held up her hand and wiggled her fingers in the air. It was something that they had started a couple years ago; or rather she came up with it. You had five guesses as to what it was that was bothering you, if you could it out in five guesses; you were allowed to talk about it. If not, the subject was dropped. It was just a clever way for her to not have to be forced into talking about her abuse.

A short time after returning to the United States after her and Big Time Rush's first tour, she was on edge, expecting the four boys to want to ask question after question, but they were normal; whatever normal for the four of them was.

Logan was different.

He wanted to show that he cared, that she had someone who would always be there for her. That's what made her fall for him and what made them break up. She just wanted someone who could give her what she couldn't give herself, to tell her the words she wanted to hear for so long. She did have real feelings for Logan, feelings she had held for him for a long time, feelings she acted upon the minute he gave her comfort and that unfathomable feeling of safety.

It was her realization that she was only dating him because he was safe, and because he knew what to say to her at the right time, and his sense of security that prompted her to break up with him. She knew that he'd be there for any trouble she went through, any PTSD moments, any nightmares, any breakdowns, but it wasn't fair to him to give up his life to help her whenever she asked or whenever he thought she needed it.

But, she had never stopped having feelings for him. She didn't think she would. Logan was always a breath of fresh air for her and despite every attempt she made to push him away, he always came back for her. Just like he always promised. Just like she always believed he would.

Logan's nose wrinkled slightly as he shook his head. He lifted his hands to adjust his hat again and Rhuben pressed her lips together, slowly nodding her head. "No worries mate," she replied, slowly nodding. She took another bite of the apple before holding it out towards him. "Want the rest?"

"Is that all you're going to have?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together. "Apart from the popcorn it's the only thing I've seen you eat since we've been here." He put his fingers to her hand, gently pushing her hand back towards her. "Keep eating."

Rhuben slowly sucked in a breath of air through her nose, peering down at the apple. She took a large bite from it before tossing it into the nearest trashcan. She then lifted her sticky hand to cover her mouth and said, "I'm not avoiding eating it, I'm saving room for birthday cake. Plus, the caramel is getting stuck in my teeth." She chewed rapidly, her eyebrows twitching. "That answer good enough for you?"

She immediately felt like a jerk as soon as the words were out of her mouth. He was only trying to help, but she already had her family checking to see if she was eating regularly, she didn't need anyone else to do it. Her close friends and family knew she was anorexic, luckily being caught early enough before things got too bad, but despite her recovery, she didn't need anyone to quickly jump to conclusions about why she didn't finish her food. Not that she could really blame him; Logan was always a worrier, making sure everything was ok with all of his friends, making sure they stayed out of trouble.

"Sorry," the two of them said together before starting to laugh.

"We should hurry up or Carlos is going to eat all of the cake before we can blow out the candles," Logan said, as he pulled at his belt loops, pulling up his pants before adjusting his sleeveless shirt. Rhuben chuckled. "You think I'm joking but he's done it before on James's birthday, right before the cake fight started up. That only happened before James had tackled him onto the table."

"That sounds about right," Rhuben commented with a shrug before grinning. "For them, anyway. All of you are crazy."

"You love it and you know it," Logan replied, pointing a finger in her direction.

"Yeah, ok," Rhuben replied, pushing his hand away.

Big Time Rush were the craziest boys she had ever met in her entire life, but she'd be lying if she said that she didn't like having them around. At one point, that was the case, but their love of having fun and having a good time was infectious and helped not only her, but her brothers and sister break down their walls. If it wasn't for those four boys, they wouldn't have remembered how it was fun to make music, how they could look at it as something to look forward to instead of a job.

She owed them a lot.

"We're almost at the Ferris wheel, the girls should be there by now," Logan said, glancing at his watch. "Hope they didn't get stuck in line for the coaster." Rhuben looked up towards the slow rotating machine

She remembered one of the first times she had visited Santa Monica pier. She got on the Ferris wheel and kept riding it around and around in circles, hoping to stop at the top. Everything was just different when you were looking at it from above. Being that high up in the air, with nothing but the sky and the clouds around you, it was peaceful. It was like a whole new world and as she would slowly make her decent, she would briefly hold her breath, preparing herself to be submerged into reality.

"You ok? You've been really quiet tonight," Logan asked. It was the feeling of his fingers brushing down her arm, starting from the inside of her elbow, down to her wrist that got her attention. It sent shivers down her spine. He gave her a warm smile, coaxing one out of her. "Normally, you're practically bouncing off the walls when it's your birthday."

"Birthday shmurfday, I just like the gifts," Rhuben replied, lifting her hand to brush her hair back from her face.

"Oh, speaking of which," Logan said, snapping his fingers together before reaching into his sagging shorts pocket. "That reminds me." He dug around for a moment before pulling out a small box. He opened it, peering inside before closing it, reaching into his pocket to pull out a second box, holding it out towards her. "Happy Birthday."

"Logan, you know we always open gifts when everyone's around," Rhuben said, pushing Logan's hand away.

"Humor me," Logan replied, uncurling her fingers to put the black box inside it.

Rhuben wrapped her fingers around the box, feeling the fuzzy material graze over her fingertips before she grasped the top with her free hand, lifting it. The hinge creaked as the top slowly moved before popping open and Rhuben came face to face with a small, metal dream catcher with a single purple bead sitting in the middle.

"Wow," Rhuben breathed blinking a couple of times as she waited for something…anything to stand out in her mind to say.

None of it could do it justice. Logan just got her and there were no words that could rally explain her gratefulness. She couldn't help but let out a little laugh as her mind instantly went back to the day before when they danced around her kitchen. She hadn't felt that carefree and happy in a long time. And it was what she needed. She always got a little tweaked around her birthday, and he always did his best to make it a little more bearable, a little sunnier on a normally gloomy day.

"Thanks, Logan, I love it, it's beautiful," Rhuben said, giving him a smile as she turned to give him a hug.

"Of course," Logan quietly replied in her ear, hugging her tight. She could feel his fingers slide through her hair as he did so and briefly closed her eyes at the touch.

She missed this. She missed him. But, she was too proud to say it. It was best for him to find out in the grand scheme of things what it was that he wanted. She knew he wanted to be a doctor; it's what he always wanted to be and she didn't want to be a distraction towards him.

Rhuben opened her eyes, moving to pull away from the hug, and froze when she spotted familiar figure in the crowd. _Oh, bollocks. Not now,_ Rhuben thought as she removed her arms from around Logan's shoulders.

"You ok?" Logan asked, giving a startled laugh. His tongue darted past his lips, briefly wetting them before he wiped them with his lips. "You were hanging on to me like I was your lifeline or something." He let out a small laugh, a teasing smile on his face, but she could see the hint of seriousness in his eyes.

"Yeah, keep dreaming, pal," she replied, shoving his shoulder as she slipped the box into her pocket. "If I had to be stuck on a stranded island with someone, then I'd pick James."

"Over me?" Logan asked, his eyebrows shooting up.

She and James had gotten really close lately. While she and Logan were out of sorts for a short while over the summer, he was there to take her mind off of it. Taking a step back from trying to get Riley and Logan to be friends again, Rhuben realized that she didn't have a close friend apart from him. While her friendship with Logan was a bit rocky, James was just there for her for someone to hang out with.

And apart from dating Kendall, who Riley considered her best friend, she and Carlos had gotten close as well. He had brought out a crazy, fun side to her that she didn't show that often. It was a nice change of pace and it was really helping them open up instead of sticking with what was a comfort to them.

"Well, he could lift more things if he needed to," Rhuben replied, her eyes flickering over towards the boy standing behind Logan, a little ways off. He had his hands shoved into his pockets, head angled back, chewing on a toothpick. He gave a brief nod of his head when she caught his eye. "And if things were to go south, he has enough muscle to last me a while. Plus, he'd be good to look at."

"Yes, but, I could potentially build something to get you off the island," Logan pointed out to her.

She shrugged. "Maybe I wouldn't want to get off the island," she said quietly and Logan slowly nodded his head.

"It'd be like a whole new world for you," Logan said, giving her a half smile. He shifted his gaze to the ground for a moment before looking back up at her. "You've got that already, though; with Ronan. He was able to do what you've always wanted; to get you out. I couldn't do that for you."

"You've been there, that's enough," Rhuben replied and shared a smile with him. A shrill whistle went through the air and she shifted her gaze over to the boy. She then clapped her hands together before using her pointer fingers to point in a random direction. "Hey, I'm going to go get some funnel cake. I'll meet everyone at the Ferris wheel."

"Ok," Logan replied. "Just make sure you get some for Carlos unless you want him pinching off your plate."

"He'll lose a finger or three if he tries, just watch me," Rhuben replied, putting her hand in the air.

She then shoved his forehead before holding out her hand curling her ring, middle, and first finger down until her pinky and thumb were sticking out. Logan did the same and they hooked pinkies, pressed their folded fingers together, and then pressed the pads of their thumbs together. She then made her way over to the boy, glancing over her shoulder every now and then as she did so.

Once she was sure she couldn't see Logan anymore, she stepped up to him, offering her hand towards him. The boy slapped his hand into hers before gently punching her shoulder. He then brushed his dirty blonde hair out of his eyes, the toothpick flipping between his lips.

"Heard a rumor you were around," she said to him.

"Confirming it for ya," the boy replied as he removed the toothpick from his mouth, sticking it behind his ear. "You could've been more discreet. Swear to God you were acting like a new recruit." He let out a short, wheezy laugh.

"Out of practice," Rhuben replied, sliding her hands into her back jeans pockets. The boy arched an eyebrow and slowly angled his head down and back up as if to say "Obviously." She crossed her arms over her chest before lifting a hand to twirl a lock of her hair. "Why are you here, Ace?" she asked.

"Easiest way to make sure I'm not overheard," Ace replied. "Got some info for ya; something you'd like to know."

Rhuben sucked her lips into her mouth, dropping her gaze to the ground. She shifted her weight from foot to foot before looking up at his face. He raked his fingers through his hair, staring back at her, waiting.

"What is it?" Rhuben asked.

"I have it on good authority to know that your boy bander buddy, Logan?" Ace replied and Rhuben gave a slight nod, feeling her stomach start to twist into knots. "His dad got paroled a few days ago." Rhuben blinked in surprise, feeling her jaw drop slightly. She open and closed her mouth repeatedly and Ace let out a short laugh. "You didn't even know he was in jail, did you?"

"Jail or prison?" Rhuben asked and Ace blinked. "There's a difference and how do you know?"

"…How do you _think_?" Ace asked in a low tone. "So, he didn't tell you? Huh. That's interesting. I thought he was your best friend. You sure do brag about him often enough."

"He _is _my best friend," Rhuben replied and Ace chuckled.

"Really?" he asked, giving an odd smile. "So, tell me. Does he know about you then? And the things you've done?" Rhuben kept her gaze locked onto his amber eyes before briefly shaking her head. "Thought so." He slid his toothpick back into his mouth. "By the way, Happy Birthday. Tell Riles I said 'hi'."

"Yeah, thanks," Rhuben replied with a nod, as he stepped around her, disappearing into the crowd, leaving her to go find her friends, head spinning.

* * *

**A/N: **This story will have plenty of lighthearted moments in it and will show just about everybody. I just really needed to introduce the big stuff first.

-Rhuben


	4. I Wanna Be There For You

**04**

* * *

**Los Angeles, California****  
**

**(Redondo Beach)**

* * *

"And then, move your fingers here," Kendall said as he leaned over to adjust Rhuben's fingers on the neck of the guitar in her lap. She pressed her pinky into the high E string; the string on the very bottom of the guitar. She pressed her middle finger to the low E on the third fret and her first finger on the A string on the second fret. "Ok, strum and you'll be playing the G chord."

Rhuben did as she was told, grimacing when a low clunking sound came out of the guitar. She looked up at Kendall, who was sitting across from her on the beach towel, shielding her face from the bright sun. He lifted his acoustic guitar, placing his hands on the guitar, strumming out the chord before looking back at her, pursing his lips for a moment before frowning.

"You have smaller hands than I thought," he said to her, and Rhuben rolled her eyes. "I told you chords would be hard. Have you been practicing?"

"Of course not," Rhuben replied, giving him a pointed look. She had said it so naturally, so straightforward that he couldn't help but laugh. "I'm never going to get this, Kenny."

"No one said it was going to be easy," Kendall said, setting his guitar aside, making sure he didn't get any sand in the hole. He stretched out his long legs, resting them on either side of her knees, curling his toes until they popped. He leaned back against his hands, before using his shoulder to adjust the sunglasses perched on his nose. "But, you didn't have the best introduction to the instrument. Trust me, once you get it, you'll be happy you know how to play."

They were all spending the day (the real day of Riley and Rhuben's birthday) at Redondo Beach. Normally, the group would spend the day at Santa Monica, but decided to make a change and take the almost hour drive (due to traffic) down to the beach for a day of surf, sand, and fun.

"For real this time, you mean," Rhuben pointed out to him with a twitch of her eyebrow. Kendall chuckled, nodding his head. She had faked playing the guitar for years as part of her ex-father's request. Or rather, command.

She used to trade off playing the drums and singing as part of her band, until Robert had thought it'd be better to have the two girls in the group front the band on guitars. Only problem was Rhuben didn't know how to play the guitar so she faked it during shows. It wasn't that unheard of; with a lot of new bands for their first live performances, they played along to pre-recorded music, but sang for real.

After returning from Australia where she and her family spent the summer working on their music back home, Big Time Rush had finished the rest of their first tour with Dak Zevon. It was shortly after that, that Kendall had called her out on not knowing how to play the guitar. She could see that he took playing very seriously so she wasn't too surprised for him to take it personally in a way.

It wasn't too much of a problem then as they were shifting their music to more of a pop/rock feel focusing more on their dancing then their instrumental techniques. It wasn't until just last year, when the Jacksons had decided to take a year off from making music where Kendall offered to teach her how to play. He had been giving her lessons without fail ever since.

"You've been doing a great job, Benny, don't worry," Kendall said, reaching out to pat her knee. "Especially here. I know you've been dying to hit the waves."

Rhuben laughed a little bit. She couldn't deny it, but it wasn't the only thing that was on her mind. Ace's words had been set on repeat ever since she saw him the day before at the fair. If anyone were to know about Logan, Big Time Rush would, but they were normal. Whatever normal was for them.

Carlos was sitting in the sand with Katie, building a sandcastles, waiting anxiously for the time for them to be allowed to knock them over as they played _Godzilla _or whatever it was that encompassed dinosaur –like sound. Riley, Patrick, Noah, Sydney, James, and Logan were out on the water, bobbing up and down as they waited for the waves to roll in. Everybody was having a good time. But, she wondered how Logan could be that carefree knowing that kind of news.

"Go on," Kendall said to her, gently nudging her side with his foot. "You've been staring at the waves since we got here, Benny. It's fine, we'll finish our lesson later."

"Sure 'bout that, mate?" Rhuben asked, holding the guitar out towards him.

"Sure I'm sure," Kendall replied, pushing the guitar back towards her. "But, that's not mine." Rhuben gave him a confused look and he motioned for her to flip it upside down. A smile blossomed across her face as soon as she did so. Written in silver sharpie was ,"Happy 19th" followed by the four boys' signatures. "If you're going to learn to play, you'll have to own one of your own."

"Thanks, Kenny," Rhuben said with a grin as she carefully set the guitar aside. "That's perfect for firewood."

"Don't even joke about that," Kendall said in a warning tone, pointing a finger in her face. Rhuben slapped his hand away. "Seriously; I want you to learn how to play."

"Something tells me with you as my friend, I won't have a choice," Rhuben replied as she rolled to her side to grab her surfboard case. She reached into the pocket for board wax and quickly applied it to her purple and white surfboard. She attached the leash around her leg before tucking her board under her arm. "You coming in?"

"I'll stay here for a little bit," Kendall replied, reaching for his own guitar.

"Suit yourself, mate," Rhuben replied with a shrug. "Cheers." And then she took off across the warm sand, her feet sinking into the grain just slightly before splashing through the water. She wasn't as passionate about surfing as Riley and Patrick were. In fact, the two of them had both said if they weren't in the band they'd probably be actively pursuing professional careers in the sport.

"Bout time," Patrick said as Rhuben reached them. He was lounging on his stomach on his board, swirling a hand in the water. "Waves are perfect." He then swiped his hand in the water, sending a small wave over to Sydney who was sitting on the front end of Noah's board.

"Hey!" Sydney said, shielding his face with his arm. Noah silently swung his leg through the water, pushing on Patrick's board, tipping it over. Sydney stuck his tongue out at Patrick as he surfaced.

"Next wave's coming," Riley announced, pushing herself up to a sitting position. "Logan, it's your turn."

"James can take it," Logan said, nodding over towards James who was laughing as he watched the exchange between the Jacksons boys. "I wanted to talk to Rhubes for a minute."

"Suit yourself," Riley replied with a shrug before giving him a half smile. "Trust me, mate, you could use the practice."

"Ha, ha," Logan replied, turning his head to roll his eyes in her direction. He then gave Rhuben a questioning look and she gave a brief nod of her head.

"Hey, Little Man," Rhuben said, turning her board to face Noah and Sydney. Sydney smiled over at her. Noah turned his board, pointing in their direction until he was floating a little bit ways away from them. "Wanna bang some out yourself?" She slapped her hand down onto the top of her board. "Save yourself a trip going back in for your stick."

"Yeah," Sydney said with a grin, sliding off of Noah's board and into the water. He swam over to Rhuben's board and she lifted him up onto her board before removing the leash from around her ankle, attaching it to his. "Thanks, Rhu-Rhu."

"No pro," Rhuben replied, bumping his fist with her own before sliding off of her board and into the water before lifting herself up onto Logan's board. Logan sat back on his heels before digging his hands into the water, paddling them around her brothers. Rhuben pulled her knees to her chest as he did so. "So what was so important that you needed to talk to me about?"

"Well, I happened to notice that I never got a birthday gift from you," Logan said to her and Rhuben stuck her hand in the water, swinging it up to splash him in the face.

"You hoon, _that _was what was so important to you?" she asked with a short laugh. She watched as Logan twisted his mouth to the side, as he stopped paddling. He shifted his sitting position so he had one leg tucked underneath him, pulling his knee up to his chest.

"Considering I already know what it is," he replied, "and I know how hard it is for you to do it…"

Rhuben gave a slight nod of her head. This year, for the boys' birthday she was doing something really special for them. During her therapy sessions she had been encouraged by her psychiatrist, Dr. Angelo, to let people know how much she cared for and appreciated them. In her journals, she had done an exercise where she had to write about what it was that she thought about people the first time she met them, and then how she felt about them years later.

Starting with Carlos's birthday in August, and then James's birthday earlier that month, she had been giving them those portions of her journal. She planned on doing the same for Logan, and Kendall, and the rest of her friends. It was just a little harder to do with Logan.

They had been through so much, and they had a longer history than her other friends. She wasn't just writing about when she was sixteen. She was writing about when she was nine, when things had really been a dark time for her. It was shocking to see how deep down in the dumps she was in comparison to how happy and cheerful and _comfortable _she was now.

"No, really, I just wanted to tell you that, there's no rush with it," Logan said. He glanced down at the black star on his left hand, tattooed between his fore finger and thumb, running his fingers over it. Rhuben glanced down at her purple star before looking back up at him. "I get how hard it can be to expose that part of you."

"I knew you would," Rhuben said to him and they shared a smile. "I'll get it to you. I promise."

"No rush," Logan replied, putting a hand up into the air, turning his head slightly to the side. "I wanted to see what was up. You seemed out of it today."

"Just a lot on my mind," Rhuben said.

Silence fell over the two of them as the rushing water, pushed them closer and closer to shore. She looked over at him and saw that he was silently staring back at her.

"Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?" Logan suddenly asked her.

Rhuben's eyebrows shot up before coming together slightly in a curious look. "I do and I don't," she slowly replied as if choosing her words carefully. She moved to sit Indian style on the board as it bobbed up and down in the water. She reached her hand up to adjust the purple flower hair clip in her hair.

"I believe that each action you take is already predetermined for you, but at the same time, you're still the one making the decisions," she continued. "You're the one who's there in that moment. I mean, sure you could have a path carved out of you, but who's to say you have to stay on it?" She gave him a curious look."Why?"

"Just curious," Logan replied, his eyes on her fingers, watching as she adjusted the flower.

_Liar. _She pressed her lips together, having to stop herself from asking him the one question she knew he'd avoid answering.

She could see it in his stature; his back was arched as he leaned towards her, leg pulled up to his chest, not looking her in the eyes. She could recognize those signs from a mile away, she had only done them so many times in her life, trying to push him away. _Just tell me what's wrong. I want to hear it from you. What's going on inside that Big Time Brain of yours?_

"It's a kanzashi," she explained, motioning towards the flower. She pulled it out of her hair to show the short metal rod connecting to the flower before sliding it back into her hair. "Normally, in Japan, geishas or brides wear them, but young women are using them more to bring a classier looks to their outfits. Mom used to put these in Riles and my hair a lot; for Christmas, birthdays, New Year's, any special occasion she thought was worth wearing them."

"Riles mainly wears hers to awards shows, and parties and stuff. Being the fashiony one of our band, I'm not surprised, and it really works well with her outfits. I wear mine out here." She spread out her arms, indicating the ocean. "Dad loved being out in the water, and mom loved her garden. It's a way to show both of them that I'm thinking of them."

Logan slowly nodded his head, a half smile on his face. He had always enjoyed hearing more about her family, knowing that she was finally in a good place to divulge in more details. It was something she wanted to hold to herself; kind of like a secret. Something she could think back to whenever she wanted; whenever things were hard. It was a reminder that things used to be great and could one day be that way again.

_Come on. Tell me what's on your mind_, Rhuben thought to herself as she adjusted her side ponytail, securing her hair comb. "I see my parent sometimes," she said and Logan blinked in surprise, eyes widening for a brief moment. "They watch over me when I sleep, sometimes. They just stand by and watch and smile. They used to do that when I was a kid."

"Yeah, mine too," Logan replied, his half smile widening slightly. He ran his fingers over the tattoo on his hand for a second time. "Maybe we got these to soon."

"Logan—"

"I gave Riles her necklace."

"I saw; it's so beautiful," Rhuben replied.

Logan had given her a metal heart shaped necklace with the top left arc of the heart covered in diamonds. There was a red gem in the center, also in a heart shaped, the lower most part of the curve of the bigger metal heart, and another swirl arching towards the left side of the red heart was also covered in diamonds.

"Things'll come good between the two of you," Rhuben said t him. Logan nodded his head, peering out over at the waves and Rhuben followed his gaze; instantly spotting the red dot that was her sister carving a wave. "It'll just take time. You have an advantage anyway." Logan gave her a questioning look and Rhuben shrugged. "She loves hockey players."

"I guess I just didn't realize how much she was hurting?" Logan said as more of a question as he scratched the back of his neck. "I didn't want things to turn out like this. I was just trying to help. I mean, you didn't have a problem with it."

"Well, it's like Riles said, she didn't like being thought of as a statistic, or like anybody else that went through what we went through," Rhuben explained to him, sliding her feet into the water, slowly kicking her legs back and forth.

"She wanted to move on from it in a different way than I did, in a different way than Noah, or Pat, or Syd did. With me, it helped to know that what I was going through wasn't weird or out there, but she never liked being compared to other people because it's what we've always been through. Kendall was able to do that for her, that's why they're so close, that's all."

Logan closed his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh through his nose before removing the hat on his head. He dipped his hat into the water and quickly put it back onto his head. "I want you two to be friends again," she said, rapping her knuckles on the top of the surfboard. Logan chuckled when he heard the slightly whine in her voice.

"I still care about her, you know that," Logan said to her, squeezing an eye shut against the sun. Rhuben nodded her head. "I still care about you, too."

"I know," Rhuben replied, shifting her gaze out towards the incoming waves. "I care about you, too, Logie-Bear." She laughed, swinging her legs out of the water, splashing him in the face when he winced at the nickname. Her laughter then quickly turned into a shriek when he crouched forward on the board starting to splash her back. "You're going to pay for that."

She used her arms to try and shield herself from the water, but Logan kept splashing the water at her, laughing as he did so. She flailed her legs, blindly trying to splash him back. Her abs ached from her deep belly laughs in between gasps for air.

"Logan!" Rhuben laughed when she felt him wrap a hand around her ankle, pulling her closer towards him, using his free hand to continue to splash her. "Stop!"

She fell onto her back before dropping her arm into the water, swinging it up to splash him back. Logan grabbed her wrist, stopping her, reaching for her other hand, holding her wrists together. Rhuben's laughter subsided as she was pulled even clover towards him. Logan's laughter slowly faded, keeping the smile n his face. Rhuben bowed her head, feeling her cheeks heat up as he gently brushed his fingers across her cheek, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear.

Rhuben then shot out her free hand, shoving his chest while at the same time, shifting her weight, to the right, causing Logan to lose his balance. "Whoa!" Logan cried seconds before he hit the water. Rhuben gave him a bright smile as he resurfaced, brushing the water from his face. "Here's a tip; having grown up with four brothers, never assume a fight is over."

"Oh really?" Logan asked, his eyebrows shooting up as he flailed his arms and legs, reading water. Rhuben just shrugged. "Well, then you should take your own advice because there's an 100% chance that this fight isn't over." He then grabbed the edge of the surfboard and pushed upwards as hard as he could.

Rhuben's world pitched as she rolled backwards into the water. She arched her back, swimming downwards for a moment before swimming back up. She broke the surface, shaking her head back and forth to clear the water from her face before reaching for the surfboard, resting her arms on it. Logan was already leaning on the other side, giving her an amused smile.

"I grew up with three brothers," Logan replied. Rhuben gave him a confused look before relaxing into a smile, aware of his toes lightly grazing her calf as they treaded water.

"Brrrrr." Rhuben shivered as a gentle breeze blew as the sun set across the horizon. "It's getting cold."

"Today was so worth it," Carlos said, from where he was lying in the sand, making a sand angel. He sighed happily, folding his arms onto his stomach. "Someone carry me home."

"Oh, get up," Kendall said, gently kicking Carlos in the side as he gathered his belongings. "Come on, Carlos, quit being a baby."

"I am _not _being a baby," Carlos protested, crossing his arms over his chest before sticking out his bottom lip.

"I'll get him," Katie laughed before kneeling down by her friend's side. She cupped a hand around his ear and whispered something into it. Carlos's eyes popped open and a wide smile came across his face as he sat up. He jumped to his feet before happily humming to himself, moving to pack up his bags. "How was that?"

"I don't think I even want to know what you said to him, Katie," Kendall replied, shaking his head.

"I told him that the Riles and Rhubes got a fire pit for their birthday and he wouldn't get any s'mores if he didn't get up," Katie replied with a grin. Kendall gave her an amused look.

"They never said that," he pointed out to her.

"Looks like we don't have a choice," Riley joked, shooting Stephanie a mock annoyed look as she zipped her surfboard carrying case shut. She then stuck two fingers in her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. "Alright, mates, listen up; thanks to Katie here—" She jerked her thumb in Katie's direction who just gave a bright smile, "—it looks like we'll be having s'mores at our place. Pack up the cars and let's get going."

"Thanks, Katie," Rhuben laughed, reaching into her bag for her flip flops. "Now we're going to have to deal with a hyper Carlos for the rest of the night." She set her shoes down onto the

"Happy to help," Katie replied with a wink.

Rhuben chuckled, reaching out a hand to muss her hair before shouldering her bag. "Sis, I'll drive back," she said to her sister, holding out her hand for the car keys. Riley dug into her bag and threw them to her. "I'm not taking my chances with you driving in traffic."

"Well, if you want to take three hours to get home, sis, be my guest," Riley replied with a smirk as she reached into her bag for her phone. "I'll warn Ronan; let him know that we're bringing the cavalry."

"Y'hear that?" Patrick asked with a grin. "You blokes have become a step up from the boys. Now, Riles, when are you going to stop from calling me a kid."

"Probably when you stop acting like one," Sydney replied with a cheeky smile as he walked past his brother, sticking out his tongue as he did so. "I call shotgun!" He then took off across the sand with Patrick chasing after him.

"I'll take your board," Noah offered, stepping up beside Rhuben.

"Feel free to smack 'em with it if they're still fighting when you get up there," Riley said deadpan and Noah laughed before giving Riley a two-fingered salute.

Logan bumped Rhuben's elbow with his own as he stepped up beside her. "Here," Logan said, reaching into his backpack. Rhuben rubbed at her arms, watching as Logan pulled out the maroon and gold sleeve of his hockey jersey. He tugged on the sleeve, shaking it, before pulling it out handing it to her.

"Thanks," Rhuben replied as she unraveled the ball of material before sliding it over her head. The jersey dropped down past her waist, and the shirt sleeves fell over her hands. She pushed the sleeves up to her elbows over and over again. "I'll, uh, put it in the wash as soon as we get home."

"No worries," Logan replied with a shrug as he straightened his belongings in his backpack. He turned his head and gave her his dimpled smile. "Keep it. Really." He zipped up his backpack and slid his arms through the straps, adjusting it on his back before making his way towards the sand covered wooden steps, heading to the Big Time Rush, mobile.

"Well, that's interesting," James said as he fell into step beside Rhuben, reaching for her towel, starting to gently shake it out.

Rhuben sniffed, turning her gaze towards him, hiking an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. James peered back at her as he folded the towel, as if he was waiting for her to say something. He gave her a peaceful smile before he started to whistle. She briefly closed her eyes, laughing lightly, realizing that he wanted her to ask what he meant.

"Alright, I'll bite," she said, tilting her head back, to peer up at the clouds as the sky slowly turned into a peach color as the sun set. "_What_?"

"Nothing," James replied with a smile and a shrug. Rhuben crossed her arms over her chest, giving him a look of disbelief. His smile faded slightly and his eyebrows twitched. "It's just…Logan hasn't given anybody his jersey before." He nodded in the direction that Logan stood in moments before. "Not even Camille during their on/off thing." Rhuben cringed slightly.

She and Camille Roberts were still good, close friends despite the two of them liking and at one point dating the same guy. At the time, Rhuben could see how hard it was for Camille to see the two of them dating, and she didn't want to lose Camille's friendship.

But she was, in a way, part of the reason why Camille and Logan broke up anyway. Logan had been researching as much about the psychological effects of child abuse as often as he could to make sure that he could be there for his friends and to help them realize that there was someone who understood what they were going through, and that they weren't alone. Without realizing it, he wanted to help them so much, that he had been paying less and less attention to Camille. When James had offered to help her run lines for an audition, before she knew it, she was kissing him.

Logan had forgiven both of them for it, but had decided that it would be best if he and Camille didn't go out anymore. A couple of months later, he had managed to break down Rhuben's walls enough for her to let him in and the two of them started dating.

"It's kind of a big deal, Beautiful. So, are you two going to get back together, or…?" James asked as he moved to stand behind her, unzipping her backpack to put the beach towel inside. "You seemed to enjoy each other's company today. You two talked about it a little while ago, right?"

"Yeah, but…yeah," she lamely replied, raking her fingers through her hair. They then started making their way towards the car park. "You see how that worked out. It was my fault though, I just kind of…stopped the conversation.".

James made a noise in the back of his throat as they made their way up the stairs. "Really?" he asked, his eyebrows inching up his forehead.

Rhuben nodded, letting out a heavy sigh. "I broke up with him the first time because…Logan was great," she explained. James gave her a confused look. "He knew how I was feeling, how to talk me down from the edge, he was just there. I'm so used to be a self-relying person; I've always had to do things for myself, it's what was easy."

"But not as easy as relying on someone who shows you that they'll do anything you need no questions asked. I took advantage of my relationship with Logan; I was being a jerk and I recognize that. I could see that it was putting a whole bunch of pressure on him. Adding that in with Gustavo needing your second album to be even better than the first—"

"Which it was," James said with an easy going smile, buffing his finger nails on his bare chest.

"I'm not denying that," Rhuben replied, shoving his shoulder. James stumbled a few steps to the side before jogging back over to her side. Rhuben pushed the shirt sleeves back up her arms. "After a while, I just expected him to be there whenever I need him , and that wasn't fair to him. I have trust issues, as you know."

"Mmhmm," James agreed, slowly nodding his head.

"I'm just not used to having people stay when they say they're going to stay," Rhuben continued her explanation. She started up the wooden steps, stepping lightly, making sure that she didn't get a splinter. "I'm always waiting for that one moment, but it didn't come. So, I pushed him away." She let out a small laugh. "You'd think Ronan would've been proof of that by now, but even then, I'm always worried that he'll change his mind."

"You know there's no one else in the world," James said, a serious tone creeping into his voice, "Apart from maybe his mom and Nana, and us, that Logan cares about more than you and your family. You _know_ that."

"I _do _know that," Rhuben agreed. "I just hated how I was making him put his life on hold just to help me. If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone, I want it to be a partnership thing and I recognized that I was relying too much on him, and that he was putting off his dream and I don't want him to do that. I wanted to be able to help myself. Not that I didn't appreciate that he wanted to do anything he could to help, because I did. He respected my wishes and took everything slow but…ugh, I'm just not great with relationships."

"Oh, I don't know, you could have a good game of doctor going," James said with a shrug and a cheeky smile.

"You're sick." Rhuben shoved his shoulder a second time, but this time he didn't even move. He laughed when he saw the look of surprise on her face.

"I just want to make sure that no one gets hurt," he explained, adjusting the straps to his backpack. He gripped the straps with his fist before splaying his fingers, keeping his thumbs hooked. It was as if he was putting his hands up defensively.

"That's sweet, but I don't even know what's going to happen," Rhuben said, looping her arm through James's, trying to keep up with his long steps.

"It's not you I'm worried about, to be honest. Not entirely," James replied. His eyes widened and this time he _did _put his hands up defensively. "No offense, Beautiful, but if things are going to happen between the two of you, you better be absolutely sure you want to do this, that you want to go through with it this time. I told him the exact same thing a couple days ago."

"When Logan decided to have a guy's night for his birthday, you talked about our relationship?" Rhuben asked, giving James an odd look. He opened and closed his mouth for a moment before looking her up and down, taking a small step away from her as if expecting her to hit him. Not that she hadn't been thinking about it.

"Not just that," he slowly replied as they came to the top of the wooden stairs, heading through the car park to their respective cars. He gave a shrug. "The subject was just brought up again, that's all."

"And you're worried I'm going to break his heart," Rhuben supplied.

"I'm worried about you both," James corrected her. His chest swelled as he sucked in a breath of air. "I just don't think that a relationship would be a good thing for him right now, considering…" He trailed off, eyes widened before slapping a hand across his mouth.

_Does he know? _Rhuben peered up at him, her eyebrows knitting together. "Considering what, Handsome?" she asked him.

"Nothing," James replied, pulling the corners of his lips down, shaking his head. "Forget I said anything."

"You know about his dad don't you?" Rhuben asked flat out.

"_You _know?" James asked, his eyes widening. "I didn't think he told you." Rhuben pressed her lips together, her nose wrinkling as she shook her head. "He didn't. So how do you know?"

"Does it matter?" Rhuben asked, spinning her car keys around her finger. "I don't know how to bring it up to him or if I even should. Do I wait for him to tell me? I mean, we can always tell when something's bothering us, I could see it when he had come over my house the other day to give me my camera bag back. He didn't want to talk about it, so I didn't press the subject. But now that I know…I don't know what to do."

"Well…Logan found out about your guys's abuse and he told you that he knew. It's kind of the same thing, right?" James asked, briefly glancing upwards, slowing his pace. "It's dealing with someone that you care about, but in his case, keeping the secret was hurting someone. I can't quite tell you if this is hurting him. People keep secrets for a reason. You two say you can tell each other everything, so who cares how long it takes for that to happen?"

"That's really smart, Handsome," Rhuben said with a half smile.

"I have my moments, Beautiful," James replied, using his free hand to gently pinch at her chin, making a clicking sound with his mouth as he winked at her. He then lifted a hand and started rubbing at his hair. "Now, I hope you have enough Cuda products at your house to get all the sand out of my hair."

"We wouldn't want you to call the FBI again, would we, mate?" Rhuben asked with a grin. James rolled his eyes.

"That was _one _time!" he loudly protested. "Besides, I don't have a lot of hair to deal with now."

"You know, I'm _still_ surprised you got your hair cut in the first place," Rhuben pointed out, giving him a look of approval. "Not that I'm not relieved, your old cut made you look like a girl." James let out a loud gasp. "That was one of the reasons why I never dated you, by the way."

"So even if we dated, and we took our relationship as slow as you wanted—"

"Intially, it'd be fine," Rhuben replied with a nod of her head. "But…I'm not great with changes in relationships." James gave her a confused look. "Intimacy. Hand holding and kissing, that's no problem, it's everything after that." James slowly nodded his head, a curious look crossing his face. Rhuben continued to explain. "Just bad past experiences. Nothing bad happened, it was just basically one of those, I didn't get what I want so I'm going to dump you, kind of thing."

"That sucks," James commented and Rhuben nodded in agreement. "Well…just know that I wouldn't ever do that to you. Neither would Logan."

"I know," Rhuben replied with a smile. "I know."

* * *

**A/N:** And the main storyline comes in starting with the next chapter. I felt like this was mre of a filler/info dump kind of chapter, but I needed it to be here before I really got into everything.

-Rhuben


End file.
